Jokes

Have any funny jokes? Do you want to make us laugh? Go ahead!

RULES:

- No racist jokes
- A little sexuality in jokes is allowed, but watch it to not be too intensive.


So, I'll start:


A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

I've got one, hope you like it:

-Doctor, my wife is choking and coughing every night, what shall we do?
-Give up oral sex.

Also, can i post some racist jokes? I've got nothing against people of any skin color or any ethnical group, but I know many good racist jokes.

PIXARUS wrote:I've got one, hope you like it:

-Doctor, my wife is choking and coughing every night, what shall we do?
-Give up oral sex.

Also, can i post some racist jokes? I've got nothing against people of any skin color or any ethnical group, but I know many good racist jokes.

No you can't Pixarus. You have to remember we have members from all around the world, and some of them may feel insulted by this kind of joke. Imagine if for instance Rexxar would start telling jokes about Poles (which have not good reputation in England, and there are many jokes about them). Some people have distance to themselfes and some not- we have to respect that.

I'll put some Joke rules to avoid further questions.

So the Pope arrives at New York's Kennedy Airport, fully attired in his Pope regalia.
He gets into a limo and laments to his driver that the biggest drawback of being Pope is that he has trouble doing fun things.
Pope: You know, I haven't driven a car in 15 years. You think that maybe I could drive this limo around town a bit?
Driver: I could get fired for doing this.
Pope: Just 15 minutes.
So the Pope gets behind the wheel and dons the chauffeur's hat. Five minutes later a police car pulls him aside for reckless driving. The cop immediately begins writing a ticket and then freezes as soon as he recognizes the driver. The cop returns to his car to call his captain.
Cop: I gotta big problem. I started writing this ticket and then I discover I'm ticketing a very important, I mean very important, person.
Capt: So who is this very important person, you gotta call me at 2 a.m.? Who is it, Mayor Guiliani?
Cop: No much more important.
Capt: So who is it? Mario Cuomo or Bill Clinton?
Cop: No much bigger.
Capt: So who, Frank Sinatra, Pavarotti, who??
Cop: Captain, I dunno who da hell this guy is. But I tell ya this, this guy is so BIG, he has the Pope drivin' for him!!!!

bg80, I already knew this one, but this one is good

Dark Vador said 'May the 4th be with you.'
Chuck Norris says 'May the 19th be with you.'
xD

NoobMaster

It's from kwejk.pl, a polish site kosak might know.

man:wanna hear a joke?
girl: ok
man:women's rights

girl: wanna hear a joke?
man:ok
girl:your penis size